Hello everyone
I’ve never done a ‘Word of the Year’ before, but it suddenly struck me after months of one step forward and two steps backwards that has been my fate, perhaps I ought to take on a word that sums up how I’ve had to grasp at every straw, and be incredibly assertive regarding my health situation and just push, not for results, but for someone to listen to me and do something. Actually, I am the one that has had to do the ‘something’. And in most instances, it’s not results that I’ve been pushing for but some progress. Above all, throughout the months of my balance issue, which was then compromised by trapped nerve pain, I have noticed how very ageist the responses of the General Practitioners (GPs thereafter) have been.
So, my word of the year is ‘Perseverance’ or ‘Persevere’.
One of the responses I’ve absolutely hated is the baby language they have used when describing a health issue. I never told you but I had an incident of very high blood pressure (BP), which needed investigating at A&E. They thought it might be a TIA but it wasn’t. However when I saw a GP about this incident, I was told, ‘Well, it was a probably a ‘funny turn’. Excuse me?! It was quite a frightening incident, which turned out to be OK, but even so…a ‘funny turn’??? And when I told this GP that they found Low Sodium and was given a litre of saline intravenously, he said, well, you’d probably drunk too much water. I hadn’t.
Funny, how my acupuncturist gave me a complicated explanation about my high BP, and an even more complicated medical explanation about the low sodium, which was all about the months of severe pain I’d had and how that might have depleted my adrenals with a knock-on effect of depleted sodium. I just about followed what he said. But I know I much prefer to be treated as a sentient adult rather than a baby. ‘Funny turn’, ffs!
I’m not going to give you a blow-by-blow description of all my visits to the GP trying to get somewhere but here’s just one more example of their ageism. At my last visit when I was once again trying to explain my predicament, I described how I needed just the touch of an arm when outside, to give me feedback (it’s that proprioception thing) so I don’t feel as though I am going to fall over. Anyway, there I was describing my twice weekly 1-2-1s and my daily exercises (from that Will Harlow video) so I said, ‘you see, I am not actually frail, I just feel unbalanced when I go outside’. And this GP said, ‘but you are frail.‘ What! What the actual…? I was incensed by this, and so aghast I didn’t contradict her. But seriously, I bet I could do a plank longer than her. And lift heavier weights. Well, I do admit I am only just back to doing serious weights, but even so, my arms are shaping up really well. And I Am Not Effing Frail.
This is what I am dealing with! Steam is coming out of my ears and the top of my head at this point!!
I have already written a letter to the Practice saying ‘where is my Treatment Plan’ (for the balance issue) which did activate a response, but I shall be writing another about the language used. Maybe not now. But at some point, oh yes, they need to know that maybe, just maybe, (being sarcastic here) the group of elders who are 75 and above can understand more adult language.
However, I can tell you there are things happening, albeit slowly, that are positive!
First of all, I had an MRI scan of the rest of my spine this week provided, this time, by the NHS. The Practice physio will look at the results (they take 2 weeks to arrive) and if the balance issue hasn’t changed after my 2 cataract operations, and the MRI results tell her nothing I may be referred to the Neurology Department.
I’m thinking about that, as I know the waiting list is a year long. Now do I pay to see a neurologist privately (because I haven’t got a year to spare to see someone) or do I want to see a Neuro Surgeon for a spinal injection? You see the nerve pain comes and goes. In early June just before the 2nd cataract op I was having several pain-free days, but this was down to me doing the exercises 3 times a day, every single day, plus the 1-2-1s and regular acupuncture. Stopping both the acupuncture and the exercises for around 10 days after the op brought the pain roaring back, and I am not quite on top of it yet and consequently haven’t had a pain-free day either. Several of you have said that an injection in the spine does work. I really want to research that option although, of course, I will ask if the NHS provides this form of treatment.
And finally, and amazingly, I met two practitioners who were really empathetic, who not only listened to me, they provided appropriate treatment for my balance issue. This was at the physio department attached to my local hospital. My first encounter was with a senior physio, he listened to my story and examined me, and, he gave me appropriate responses, e.g. when I told him the balance issue always occurred after a virus he wasn’t sceptical, and finally he said I might respond well to a session or two with his colleague and possibly join a class at the department. It wasn’t just the time he gave me (I get it that GPs only have 10 minutes, but gawd, do they seem disinterested) it was his engagement with me. It just made such huge difference.
I have just seen his ‘colleague’ who explained she was more of a personal trainer than a physio, and then I just did very simple balance exercises with her. What I think began to work was that I was in a large space. Now usually large spaces freak me out (and outside, of course) as they are at the core of my balance issue because it’s that proprioception issue of not having anything to ‘ping’ against (like a bat). Finally at the end of the half hour, I managed to walk out of the gym to the lovely Bill without holding on to the ‘physio’ or a wall. And since then most of the time I don’t need an arm, I can just hold on to Bill’s hand, which is real progress.
But you know what, I shall have to ‘Persevere’ as not only will I need to do the sciatica exercises every day, I must incorporate into my exercise regime the balance exercises. (Btw, I promise that one of my future blogs will be solely on exercises to help balance.) And while I am at the very beginning of this improvement, I have something that I haven’t had for a long time – hope and a little bit more confidence in myself that things might improve – and three cheers for that!
And btw, not once did these two practitioners mention i) my age and ii) they certainly didn’t think I was frail, ffs. (Look, apologies for my language, but in this instance that ageist tag, blooming well needs strong language). In fact, the very nice woman I saw for the balance exercises said I was too advanced for her class as I am already exercising through the week. I think the class is to start people off on the journey of ‘exercise’ while I’ve been doing that with my PT since 2018. Indeed the next day when I had a 1-2-1 we incorporated more balance exercises and in the afternoon I practically walked out on my own to my garden seat at the back of the flat – haven’t done that for months! So, it really is onwards and upwards and yes, Persevere!
That’s all for now, and apologies, I do hope I haven’t over shared, but don’t forget the purpose of this blog is to look at this ageing lark together. Not once when I was in my 60s, and even in my early 70s, did I ever think I might not be able to walk without help. This is the reality of ageing and while it hits us in many ways and at different ages too, some much older than me, it does arrive. So to help me, I like to set out what is happening – that’s the researcher side of me. But I do hope the work I am doing to mitigate some of this might also be helpful to you.
Oh, and to remind you I am also interested in clothes!!! And style (personal style will be another blog in early Autumn I think) here’s a pic of me in one of the dresses I bought in Aldeburgh
It’s from Seasalt Cornwall, and was in their recent sale.
I can’t see it on sale now, but here are more green dresses from Seasalt for you to look at.
With love, Penny 😊
Well done with the perseverance Penny. A long and painful journey (literally) but delighted to hear there is some hope xx
Thanks Alison, but seriously I do feel as though I have wasted a whole year. Because why haven’t I seen these 2 practitioners earlier???? But never mind, I shall just get on with it! And persevere! 😊
My god, I sympathise!
My private irritation is ‘pop’. It is a word used to infants except when a medical person sees anyone over seventy hoving into view. Then it’s used in a huge variety of contexts, each equally annoying.
I saw a consultant about skin cancer who kept saying ‘if it was my wife I’d advise’ until I could have smacked him. It’s nothing to do with my husband this is to do with me and it’s my decision!I would have shouted at him but I couldn’t get a word in edgeways while he told me all about his life history. When he went out of the room, I rolled my eyes at the nurse who rolled hers back so this is obviously a standard procedure by the irritating man to women my age.
Good luck with pursuing what works for you!
Rose
Yes, there are several phrases that people use without thought. I really don’t like ‘Bless you’ – it’s the tone in their voice… or today it was ‘you take care’, when I had just walked in and asked a shop assistant about something. Again it was the tone of voice that got to me!!! A bit concerned – yuk. Do I look that bad??? I just want to be seen as a normal adult. Makes me want to dress in a very iconic and out of the ordinary way. My style is going that way, so……
For a consultant to go on and on about himself is so not on!
Thanks Rose 😊
Well done Penny. Perseverance. Absolutely. Never give up. Btw: Will Harlow is very good.
I do think the Will Harlow exercises for (senior) sciatica are excellent. As soon as I began them they made a difference. I do them every day. And I will persevere – thanks Christine 😊
That “ if it was my wife” thing irritates me to the bone !
I think perseverance is a very good word for all of us at our age . I’m 77 now & have encountered a number of health problems in the last few years for which I’ve needed perseverance . As a lifelong vegetarian , exerciser , non smoker & seldom drinker I’ve felt quite indignant at times . Especially when I asked my GP for an NHS pre 75 health check only to be told ‘ oh no , we don’t have time for that ‘ I persevered & had blood checks which indicated two problems explaining my lack of energy . Since then I have improved greatly but it took a move to a different GP surgery , one that is not part of a huge group . I’ve never been one for ‘ bothering ‘ the doctor for little things & I’m happy to make an effort to stay well but I think it’s time to make a fuss now & get the treatment we need , which we have paid for over many years . Time for perseverance.
Yes, like you I don’t smoke and haven’t drunk alcohol for over 20 years now, plus I exercise and eaten many vegetables (I worked out that I do eat 30 different plants a week) and to have an ageing issue that is so impactful has been quite the challenge!
Also like you I think it’s good to make an effort to keep fit and work on our muscle strength, but why do we have to push quite so hard to get attention and a little help to remain healthy – or to tackle a problem. The NHS works when it is an emergency or you have a specific issue, but keeping healthy or just helping us to tackle something is another matter. It’s taken a year to find the right practitioner – but on the plus side – that person has been found!
Thanks Wendy 😊
Hi Penny your comments on the way doctors speak to the elderly made me smile. If I don’t smile I would probably scream. As a 70 year old I have adjusted to being called ‘dear’ by shop assistants but being called ‘my lovely’ not once but twice by my GP on a recent phone call required great self control.
Perhaps we your readers should compile a list of the most annoying ageist comments we’ve received?
Thanks for mentioning the Will Harlow YouTube videos. So far I watch them but don’t do the exercises …. I know I need to.
Hope your balance keeps improving.
I don’t like ‘Bless you’, said with a caring tone 🙄. ‘My lovely’ sounds ghastly and from a GP! Whilst training at St. Thomas’ as a nurse all those phrases of endearment were strictly banned as disrespectful – seems that has gone out of the window!
The Will Harlow exercises are brilliant especially the ones that deal with senior (his definition) sciatica. As soon as I began them they made a difference.
Thanks Sue and the balance is improving 😊
I’m so pleased to hear that with perseverance, your own efforts and help from better practitioners you are making progress. I hope that continues, well done for keeping going! I am sixty five but the baby language has been evident for some time, my young dentist was so patronising one day I was furious with him, if it happens again I will challenge it.
When my very good GP was away sick I was seen by a disinterested locum about my arthritis so I went to a private physio for help instead. Best money I’ve ever spent! Years later I am still doing the exercises he recommended and feeling the benefit. In fact his painstaking and kind attention to me almost made me cry. I should say that since then I have had excellent care from my GP and NHS physios, credit where its due.
It’s just getting the right practice. Unfortunately where I live 3 practices combined about 7 years ago and according to Lewesians it’s been downhill ever since which is a shame. But you also get the impression that their view of people who are older (as in, like me) is very much a rigid one. Once you are over a certain age you get referred to services or practitioners who deal with frail people. And I really know that having been referred to 3 inappropriate services. Then out of the blue, and after a year, I get the right ones! Well at least that is a positive!
And indeed the language people use towards anyone over a certain age – it really has to be addressed. I will write a letter to the practice. And do challenge your dentist. But why, I wonder is it up to us? Hmmm, there’s a lot to do out there to challenge ageism. But I’m up for it 😃
Thanks Penny 😊
I speak back to them as if they’re 5 if they treat me like anything other than a responsible adult. I’ve even held one finger up and said I’ll stop you right there.
Having lived in Europe I can see the huge difference between doctors in Europe and the NHS. In Europe it’s a discussion between you about your health, your concerns. In the NHS it’s a talking down dictatorial manner on what you’ll get ( or won’t get)
I witnessed the most shocking, disgusting treatment of a patient being told he had terminal cancer — in a ward where everyone else could hear— and the awful, cruel actions of the nurse that followed. I complained and was put into a wheelchair ( I was still semi sedated at the time post procedure) and was then parked and left in a corridor. My “ punishment” for standing up for another patient’s right to privacy.
Oh good for you and interesting that you have experienced a different attitude in Europe. Sadly I do think it’s because our NHS is free (at the point of entry – and of course we pay for it through our taxes) but we are not clients in the UK so we have to be grateful for what we get – and most of the time we are, very grateful. But I have found that there is always a different relationship if you pay to see someone. Is the relationship different in Europe because it is an insurance based system, which as far as I understand works in a different way to the States. I certainly know from friends who live permanently in France that they have extraordinarily good health care.
However, as I can just about scrape the money together to see a consultant privately but couldn’t pay for anything else, I have to stay with the NHS. And of course, everyone works their socks off, and we mostly love the NHS.
But, and I think this is the crux of it, the NHS is not a service that can cope with a request to stay healthy, it is about reacting to illness, accidents and emergencies, which it usually does brilliantly, but to discuss how you stay healthy – that’s a challenge too far. Sorry to hear about your experience though – that was not good care at all.
Thanks Pauline for your most interesting comment 😊
So glad to hear your perseverance is paying off Penny. Unfortunately, ageism and ignorance is alive and well in the NHS it seems. I haven’t encountered it yet, at 66, but I fear it won’t be long. My early nineties in-laws, after years of admirably robust good health, are beginning to become more unwell and having some shocking experiences however.
Yes, once you reach a certain age the views of certainly my current GPs are very rigid and I think very old-fashioned. I hope it’s not the case throughout the NHS. But if it is – something needs to be done! The baby language is a minor irritation but I have wasted a whole year being sent hither and thither to 3 inappropriate services for starters, with one consultant saying to me, ‘what are you doing here’??!! What a waste of NHS money too! When all it needed was these 2 practitioners who are just down the road from me. Anyway, I got there.
Your in-laws will need an advocate to get them through the morass of health and social care – and the latter is another story altogether. Do hope they get the support they need.
Thanks Sylvia 😊
Hi Penny
Thank you for your blog which I found so interesting. I am seventy eight and was called ‘Madam’ by a GP’s receptionist in a very passive aggressive way when I hadn’t even been rude
Would be really grateful if you could advise on balance exercises as cannot find anyone in our
area who does them.
Good lord, Madam! I can just imagine and hear it! The rudeness is all their’s!
I absolutely will do a blog on balance. If you can’t find anyone in your local area to specifically do balance exercises, there are a couple of things you can do before I do the blog.
First is to follow Will Harlow on YouTube and listen to his little videos on lots of things, but all are for older people. https://www.youtube.com/@HT-Physio Have a look at his website. He’s very positive that there are things we can do to help our muscles/balance/walking/arthritic/sciatica pain as we age. He’s based in Farnham. But I really like his videos.
Second is, now we are nearly in August there is still time to find a class. If you have never tried anything always begin with a Beginners class: but look out for Tai Chi (which focuses on balance) and Pilates which develops and strengthens ones core which also helps the balance. But never go to a class that is for people who have been doing it for years – always go to a beginners class.
Hope the above helps and I will do something on exercises for balance very soon.
thanks Diana 😊
Thank you so much for sharing Penny. All of what you said makes sense, the balance issues have visited me and my similar age friends!!
Love your dress xx
Hi Vivien, yes, I have several friends who use sticks now. But I am feeling more positive about regaining some balance and consequently going out without my lovely husband who is, when that happens, my carer. And I cannot believe I am saying that!!!
Thanks for the compliment about the dress – I do like it’s length 😊
Good to hear that you have found some sensible NHS practioners. I’m in the last half of my 60s, but have realised that age alters a GPs view as well as the type of medication they offer. I’ve ended up flat in my face 4 times this year 2 were on consecutive days so in the long drawn out process of finding if anything is wrong. Your blog, as usual is proving very informative. I get the impression from my medical records that GPs believe they have fully briefed me on what to do in an emergency, as opposed to trying to prevent one from happening in the first place.
Oh no, very sorry to hear that you’ve fallen 4 times – I know what it’s like to do that just the once! And yes, sadly I too get the sense that the NHS is good in emergencies and in things/medical/surgical that are straight forward and either need surgery so off you go on to that waiting list or here is a tablet for that. All of that is easily solvable.
But prevention and stepping stones to good health are not in their remit. They don’t have the time and I often think – the inclination. To be fair, again it ‘s the time. If only and it is so easy to say this, but if only they thought in terms of – this is a National Health Service so what can we do to keep you healthy. Actually Lindsey, we have to do that ourselves. We have to be the detectives and the instigators of our own health journey. In other words – we have to Persevere!!!
Very best to you in that and thank you for your comment 😊
I agree with you about the baby language used by some people when talking to anyone of advanced years (I’m in my 70s too). My nerves start to twang when I hear their voice go up a notch as if they’re talking to a toddler (I’m not a violent person, but very tempted….) Like you, husband and I do our best to stay fit and active; we do weights and have started running every other day. You’re right about perseverance, the older we get, the more we have to do to maintain our fitness levels. Good job we’re retired. I hope you manage to get your pain under control soon, all the best!
The language….it is I know, a minor irritation, but ageist language is the worst. This has to be challenged – and I certainly will do that now.
Very well done with the running – that’s beyond me now, but I do like to get the steps in and know I must push and test myself by walking. And indeed walking often eases the pain, so it’s a must every day.
We just have to take charge of our health as no-one else will do it for us.
Thanks so much Penny and all the best with your health too 😊
What I’ve found on the other side of the pond is that the ages of doctors is growing younger. They don’t so much talk to me as if I were senile but rather as arrogant SOBs. Now, my gynecologist, who is a woman, treats me as if I were a treasured friend. She held my hands to discuss options during my health scare a couple years ago. In fact, she almost cried when she told me we weren’t dealing with uterine cancer. I just think the world of her. Our Primary Care Provider (PCP) is also like a friend. We actually drive 2.5 hours to see him. He called Mike on his own time when Mike had his first hip replacement. A visit to see him is like a treat. Now, Mike’s surgeon is a different breed of doctor. He’s young, arrogant, and rather dismissive. I go with my questions and don’t leave until every one of them is answered. I’m sure he’s got a word or two for me, but, frankly, I could give a rip. As far as I’m concerned, he’s our employee and will treat us accordingly. That being said, I do wonder what is going to happen as we are both on Medicare. And, who knows what old Yam Tits has in mind for that. The one thing I never thought I’d be was a caregiver. It’s so difficult seeing my husband who was once the person everyone turned to for help now needing it. I hate seeing the disappointment and discouragement in his eyes. He will never walk normally again. His AVN was too advanced.
On another note, I just make a joke of it when I get the more than occasional ma’am with the response, “Oh, no! I’m not a ma’am. You’ve got the wrong person.” That usually makes them at least look more closely at me.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
What an interesting comment. Yes, all practitioners are young! Apart that is from my acupuncturist who is 72 and he’s great as he’s so experienced. That’s also why I love my Pilates teacher who also does my 1-2-1s as she’s about 10 years younger than me, so not a young thing pushing you to do too much, instead she really understands the ageing body! But how wonderful you’ve got two good practitioners to rely on. And taking that long drive to get to your Primary Care Provider – just wow! We don’t do that as all our Primary Care Providers are and have to be local, unless, maybe if you had a private one in London, that might take a couple of hours to get to.
Mike’s surgeon though, hmmm, what a shame he isn’t more empathetic. The thing here in the UK is that our health care providers are not our employees, the relationship is different (because it is free at the point of contact) and we don’t have the upper hand. One often feels as though we are imposing on our health care providers and we ought to be grateful. I do notice, as I sometimes pay to see someone, that the atmosphere is completely different when I pay.
I really objected to the GP who said, I’d had a ‘funny turn’. I will be writing a letter. What happens then is you get a phone call from someone in the Practice who deals with such letters who is kind of sympathetic and I did get a ‘treatment plan’. But whether another letter will change the GPs behaviour and attitude to seniors/elders/people over 70 is another matter – actually I don’t think it will change things at all. But – the more we speak up the better!
Thanks so much Marsha 😊
OMG! These comments do indicate the sad state of affairs when dealing with local GP services. I totally agree. I hardly ever visit the GP – in fact our family GP retired seven years ago and we were given the name of the new one who was taking over – and I finally met him a couple of weeks ago. My right ankle had started swelling intermittently, then almost daily. Not majorly – more like a Grade 1 – but all the same, as their is family history of heart disease, and I have athersclerosis,I thought I should get it checked out. As far as I was concerned it is is venous insufficiency, which creates odema. Needs to be monitored, advice given – then meds if becomes severe. The GP said “Oh I understand you do exercise classes 5 times a week – that is good”. ” It is just one of those things, that happens with age” Errr no it does not happen to everyone. I asked if it could be checked out with Ultrasound etc in view of family and my medical history…..response was “no need for that”. “We used to call it Station masters legs, when I was training” he said. —- Oh that is highly amusing – basically he wasn’t interested at all – hardly looked at my legs ( I was sat down – wearing a long (very trendy!)flowing skirt – and attempted to show him) “Just come back if it gets worse” – well….no shit Sherlock! I now do the exercise whereby you lie down and have feet raised against the wall, keep feet moving if possible when seated with heel raises, leg lifts, ankle rotation. Things have eased somewhat – but still there. I won’t begin to tell you how long it took to get a referral for an xray for my shoulder rotator cuff injury – let alone the physio needed ( which was also ‘hands off’ in approach!!) Sorry this is os long – but I am letting off steam. Penny, I hear you, and have followed your health problems, and feel so frustrated for you! Keep perservering.
It is very interesting to read how others are treated, some in the same way as I have been, and yes, I’ve had the lecture that everything is down to my age and what do you expect….was so incensed when I sat there. Thank you so much for sharing that with everyone – it is helpful.
Of course, the thing is GPs are the gatekeepers to other services including X-rays and physios and so on, and they absolutely do that, as in, keep you away from services – because I guess, they’re thinking things might resolve and go away. The worst of my many encounters was when I was in excruciating pain and was told, ‘if it is still painful after 3 months, we’ll put you on the ‘hip pathway'”. I felt abandoned and left to my own devices to sort out the pain. In fact I ‘bothered’ them every single week, desperate for something to be done. Enough of that as I have moved on and things are better with acupuncture and doing the exercises. But you sure have to source your own treatments and sort things out yourself.
Absolutely things are better so it is onwards and upwards and – persevere! It’s great to hear that you too do the exercises!
Thanks Jessica 😊
Hi Penny.
Great blog today. I am fortunate that my GP speaks to me in a friendly, professional and respectful tone of voice. She was amazing when she delivered my cancer diagnosis in November of 2023 – she was gentle without “sugar coating” the situation (as of today, I am cancer free).
I persevere in getting advertisers to include older adults in their commercials – especially for products and services they use. It’s a challenge. I love the word “persevere” and I won’t give up.
I love the dress you bought.
I look forward to your next blog.
Thanks so much for those kind words about the blog. And how wonderful that you are cancer free now and you had a great GP, so pleased for you.
Also I really like the way you say you persevere in including older adults in commercials – good for you!
And re: the dress – I love the length of it. Thanks Cindy 😊
Yes , perseverance is your perfect word of the year Penny.
I am so pleased to hear that you are making progress and finding some health practitioners that actually listen to you.
I must admit at this stage I have not encountered any ageist issues with the doctors I have encountered over the last couple of years. The only strange conversation I had with a GP was over recurrent UTI’s . He was a rather strange bod who referred to intercourse as hanky panky( an unusual description for a married woman of 71.)
Onwards and upwards Penny .
P.S. Loved your new dress.
I am making progress albeit slowly, but it is happening!
It’s a shame but part of the role of GPs is to be the gatekeepers to other services and when you are over a certain age 75+ there is a definite route that one is sent on. I know that for sure, as that is what has happened to me over this past year. Finally I am doing something that is working! Plus of course I have sourced other stuff like acupuncture, but I do feel it is up to the individual to sort themselves out. I must just say I know the NHS will act in emergencies and if there is something they know for sure is wrong like cancer. So it’s not all bad.
Thanks re: the dress but that dress is rather a move away from the slightly more edgy look I am going for now. I think Winter clothes are easier for that kind of look.
Thanks so much Jill 😊
Okaay, as usual, I’m going to sling in my fourpennyworth and disagree with a few things! Then I’ll agree with a few others!
I really don’t have an issue with “Aw, bless!” or “You take care.” as you know, Penny. They’re just colloquialisms as far as I’m concerned, the first a kindly comment and the latter an ending of a conversation instead of, say, “See you later!” I honestly neither see nor mean any patronising intent.
But rudeness. Not on my watch! Fortunately, I find most people pleasant enough but with a sarcastic tongue like mine, with a built-in rasp, I can usually find the right riposte. Goes over heads mostly, but heigh-ho, I’ve made my point. As for GPs, I end to steer clear luckily, but did have to speak up one time when sent to provide a specimen with the promise of a swift recall, but was left waiting, and waiting and waiting. Just as I was about to check whether the GP maybe needed a doctor, he appeared, saw me and was very surprised! Into his room I went. “You forgot me, didn’t you?” He looked at me. “I deserved that.” he said – and I smiled and replied, “Well, don’t ever forget me again!” And he hasn’t!
Good for Pauline, speaking up for a fellow patient but how dreadful her own treatment. I think Jessica should go back to her uncaring GP and ask for a referral. Private hospitals are taking on NHS work these days – ask for the list – and doing sterling work. (Sorry to be bossy, but these people need to fulfil their promise ‘To do no harm’!: see Wendy in York’s last comment. Let Perseverance be the watchword! And bloodymindedness, if necessary!) And isn’t it wonderful that Cindy from Canada is cancer free? Made my day!
Love the dress, Penny, and so glad you’re improving. It’s that P-word again! It’s working!
Zepherine 👵🏻x
Hi Zepherine and thank you once again for weighing in and contributing to the discussion. For me, those two phrases are just on the edge of irritation and it’s the tone of voice and a certain attitude that I don’t care for, especially if the tone is kind of slow and low, difficult to explain with just words but I hear the difference and it’s – to me – grating. Of course, I know most people mean well, But I often wonder what they will think when they reach their late 70s and 80s.
I love it when I hear people being upfront and correcting ageism and rudeness right there and then. I find that hard, although I am beginning to do that. What I do though is write a very good letter, in that sense I know I am good with words and I can craft an assertive yet polite riposte to whoever or whatever. Wish I could do that on the spot!
It is very sad when we have to remind the medical profession to do no harm. And indeed the NHS too. It’s been very challenging to read of huge numbers of the UK population on NHS waiting lists and not getting a first appointment for months and months – I know for sure that some departments have waiting lists of over a year. That’s such a sad state of affairs.
And thanks for the nice words re: the dress – it’s a keeper as I love the length. Btw, I am not as pale as the photo shows – I do have some colour!!
Very best wishes Zepherine 😊
Gosh, your comments about infantilisation from medical professionals really hit home.
I’ve just come back from having blood tests at my local surgery. I think I was feeling oversensitive. I was called “my lovely“three times, having the procedure of blood tests being explained to me slowly despite having told her that my diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis has meant that I have been taking blood test for 17 years, a long explanation of if and when I’d be informed of the results, and finally was reminded to take my handbag with me which was sitting on my lap at the time. At that point, I did lose the plot and said that I might be 77 but I wasn’t senile, and that infantilisation wasn’t appropriate.
I know that I’m getting more and more irritated by the stereotypic portrayal of older people in our culture as forgetful, frail and no longer of any value, treated like small children at best, or a drain on society at worst. That being said, she was trying to do her job efficiently and cover all bases.. I could have explained to her that it might be more helpful to look at people as individuals rather than assuming that all old people are the same. Coming across as a grumpy cow would not have helped. Deep breath. I can do better.
Oh no, my lovely is awwwful! Really ageist baby language – I would have been very annoyed. Obviously she was thinking that this was suitable and indeed she was covering all bases, but even so. I am glad you spoke up. It’s so true that when we are younger we actually have little idea what it’s like to be in the late 70s. I truly admit I was ignorant as any. Mainly because I was sure I wasn’t going to be a typical ‘older person’, but I catch myself in the mirror, or in a shop window and I go, oh! And oops, is that me? Well, yes it is!!!
I think we do need to challenge ageism and good for you for speaking up. Also feel free to rant here anytime 😀
Thank you Katherine for sharing this with everyone 😊
Well done on the perseverance, you’re now starting to see results. I agree about the ageism in the NHS. It makes me wonder if they see so many people who don’t have a clue it’s affected how they perceive everyone who’s older. While my mum is a lot older than you at 93, she actively tries to avoid going to the doctor or hospital because she hates being patronised. People speak loudly at her, as if she has a hearing issue, which she doesn’t.
Thanks Gail, and yes, me and your mother we both get caught up in the infantilisation of older people – it seems it is found everywhere. I think it’s partly because the GPs are gatekeepers but also partly because they have a very old-fashioned view of older people. I know your mother is a pre-war baby but as a person approaching 80 I am a post-war baby boomer, and we are both suffering from the same attitude, but more and more of us baby boomer are ageing and we are not passive – we are assertive, but OMG, how we have to persevere!
Mind you I do see from yesterday’s headliner in the Guardian that the NHS has appallingly high waiting lists for certain conditions, so the NHS is creaking badly. However, it wouldn’t cost a thing for GPs to change the way they talk to us!!!!!!
Do give my very best wishes to your mother – thanks Gail 😊
Auuuggghhh! Some doctors are truly lazy and incompetent. I am so glad your persistence paid off and you found someone to help you. FFS! (Cuss all you want. Some experiences require it!)
Very cute dress!
Sorry to be so late with this comment but I just got back from vacation. I read your post feeling a sense of outrage. I am lucky in that I have a couple or doctors who who actually treat me as a person and not just as an old person who had no life prior to having aged. And I hate being called sweetheart or dear. I was so surprised and pleased when a, young, audiologist actually referred to me as Dr. Callahan. My experience of late is that my doctors really do not take the time to discuss things like exercise or diet, really lifestyle in general. It is perhaps not their fault as the volume of patients is so great. I have been experiencing bouts of lightheadedness lately, feeling unsteady. I had a bunch of tests and no answers . I am now 84 and just do not have the stamina I had even a few years ago. I have to push myself even when what I really want to do is take a nap. And of course the less you do the less you can do. Your word Persevere is what is needed to overcome the temptation to just give in.
And of course trying to look your best is part of this whole thing, paying attention to how we present ourselves to the world influences how we feel. It effects our mental, emotional health and therefore our physical health as well. With love from New York,
Darby.